I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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