Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
