Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
