Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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