Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
