You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
