tell your sister to shave her snatch
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
