Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
