Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
