I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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