carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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