im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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