how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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