She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
ttyl tear gas
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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