You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
