I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
