just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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