The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
