imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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