Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
