If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
