Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
