saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
