After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
