she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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