Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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