I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
