wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
