I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
