Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have aggressive nipples.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
