I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
