Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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