I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
