Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
