A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
