That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
