dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
