A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We got so high we made milksteak
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
