i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
