I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
