dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
