please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
