She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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