I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
