Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
