ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
