I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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