I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
