1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
