he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
