She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
