did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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