Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
